A Blog About Health and Alternative Living

One Year of Lyme Treatment – From the Trenches

In the great words of Glennon Doyle Melton of Momastery, who also struggles with chronic Lyme & Co:

Lyme is sometimes called the “But you look so good” disease. Because when we have good days- we are so delighted to be vertical that we run about and beam. The reason you don’t see us looking bad is that on our bad days, we don’t get out of bed. We cry. We scream because our legs hurt so badly. We dream of amputation. – See more at:

http://momastery.com/blog/2012/06/25/hm/#sthash.8cytTsJZ.dpuf

 

Ugh

Ugh

 

 

I’ve been putting off writing this post, even though it’s now been over a year since I got diagnosed with Lyme disease and started treatment. Not because I don’t want to let people know how I’m doing, but because how I’m doing right now is not good. In my mind, I am not completely handicapped and doomed to this disease, but realistically, right now, I am completely ball-and-chained with it.

It’s been such a rough last couple months of treatment, I have a hard time using my brain to form words, spoken or written. I’ve been back to the confusion all day, the overwhelm at trying to complete the normal day’s tasks.  I use the time my kids are at school to do many detox treatments and cook healthy food. I see my chiropractor and get reflexology massage. Just keeping up with stocking and researching all the 20-something supplements I’m on takes a big chunk of time – they are all from different places.  I take a walk or do yoga every day.  I save up every ounce of energy, patience and calm for my kids.

Every month or so, I start at least one new antimicrobial aimed at hitting the Lyme infection.  It’s good to keep them on their toes, hit them from all angles.  They have a life cycle that corresponds pretty well with the lunar cycle, so every month there are opportunities to kill more.  And every month, there are opportunities for them to reproduce more.  The key is to be more persistent and patient than they are.  I’ve been told to expect 5 years to kill enough of it to feel “normal” again, whatever that means.

Because I do not feel normal.  My symptoms vary by day, including muscle pain/weakness, swollen lymph nodes, constant headaches, tingling sensations, insomnia.  My nervous system is a wreck.  I started a new medicine last week, which means the bugs are releasing all sorts of neurotoxins in my brain that prevent me from sleeping and thinking properly.  I’ve been waking up at 2 a.m. or earlier for over a week now.  My brain has turned on me, and I panic because  life is not waiting on me to get better!  Trying to remember to trim my kids’ nails, give them (and me) medicine on schedules, teach them to cultivate peace and wear proper clothing items, plan and host Thankgiving dinner, preparing non-processed meals x3 x7… Nothing is stopping while I drown in this sleepless, zombie world.

I’ve been down this road SO many times over the last 4 years.  This sleepless, panicked, confused state is something I’ve been dealing with for a loooong time.  I have one good week a month when I sleep great, feel great, and easily laugh at this silly little Lyme struggle I’m dealing with.  I start planning my next career – get projects done that have been sitting – proactively live my life, the way I want to and the way I see my friends living.  Then it starts all over again, and I panic.  I RESIST being in this state, every time it comes around.  I can see now that part of my lesson in this is to surrender.  Easier said than done.

 

The good news is, I have made some big steps forward. I recently got word that the toxic black mold infection is gone after only a month’s treatment!  I’m seeing an out-of-state Lyme specialist in January 2015, to get another opinion on how I’m doing and where I should be focused in future treatment (not many Lyme experts in Texas). Last year at this time, I was too sick to travel out of state to see a doctor. Absolutely.

I also know I’m getting somewhere because I feel amazing on the few days a month when the bugs are in their least offensive life form, or when I’m taking a treatment break. On those days, I live and live and live and live as much as I can, because I have been missing normal life so very much. Usually I live so much that I wear myself out, and end up needing to spend several days paying for it.  Worth it every time.

 

So basically, this has been the longest year, but I’ve got so much to be thankful for.  I’ve learned a million life lessons and felt so much spiritual growth, learned to appreciate life in a different way. My husband and children motivate me to do everything I can to get better.  I am working on loving myself through this, as previous to diagnosis I blamed myself. I have found that there are many people out there suffering every day, that I am actually a lucky one.

God has used this to move me closer to my true purpose, and that can never be a bad thing!  There is a reason I am still here, and I hope that for now, sharing my story and being supportive to others is enough.

Sincerely Zombified,

Jill

 

Keep fighting the good fight!

Keep fighting the good fight!

 

 

 

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